Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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