I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
