there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
