y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
