I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
