We won't sleep together?
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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