So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
