New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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