i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
