My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
