ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
