Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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