Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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