Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
not ubering you a puppy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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