your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
