oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
