i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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