Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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