is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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