I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The best revenge is premature balding
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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