Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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