how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize