fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
