I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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