and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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