My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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