A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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