brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
