I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
