did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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