with your own penis?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
