I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Mom said you looked used
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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