he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
