lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
