I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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