I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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