i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
