umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize