when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize