Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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