This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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