I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
