Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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