Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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