He kissed a someone with a penis
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
