you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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