You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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