Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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