i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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