RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
