I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
