I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
