We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
