I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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