I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
