do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
