i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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