I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
