I wish I could punch you in the face.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
