I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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