Banned from zoo.
Again?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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