sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
