Do you still have your period?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I skipped work to stalk him.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
