She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
