I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
