Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
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Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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