I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
